We discussed the benefits of agreeing to disagree when we reach unresolvable conflicts while trying to solve a problem. But that would not help us reach a unanimous decision. We need to find common ground, which will give us the optimal solution.

Finding common ground can transform a potentially divisive situation into an opportunity for collaboration and mutual understanding. This process requires patience, empathy, and strategic communication. Let me outline practical steps to identify and build on shared interests during conflict resolution, ensuring effective and inclusive decisions.

The first step in finding common ground is approaching the conflict with a mindset of curiosity rather than confrontation. When tensions arise, it’s easy to focus on winning an argument or proving a point. Instead, shift the perspective to understanding why the disagreement exists. Ask yourself and others: What underlying needs or goals drive each position? For example, in a workplace dispute over budget allocation, one party might prioritize marketing while another champions product development. Both sides likely share a desire for the company’s success, even if their methods differ. Identifying this shared goal—success—lays the foundation for collaboration.

Active listening is essential to uncovering these overlapping interests. Too often, people listen only to prepare their rebuttal, missing the chance to connect. During a disagreement, give each person uninterrupted time to explain their stance. Please pay attention to their words, tone, and emotions. Reflect on what you hear to confirm your understanding. This clarifies their position and shows respect, lowering defenses and fostering trust. When everyone feels heard, they’re more likely to reciprocate and seek a solution that works for all.

Once perspectives are clear, dig deeper to separate positions from interests. A position is the specific solution someone advocates—like choosing one vendor over another—while an interest is the reason behind it, such as cost efficiency or reliability. People often cling to their positions, but interests are where flexibility lies. Framing the conversation around “why” rather than “what” reveals common threads.

Finding common ground also requires asking open-ended questions. Instead of yes-or-no queries that lock people into corners, use questions like, “What’s most important to you in this decision?” or “How do you see this benefiting us long-term?” These invite expansive answers that highlight priorities and values. In a team setting, if two colleagues clash over a project deadline, asking, “What do we all want this project to achieve?” might reveal a mutual commitment to quality. From there, the discussion can pivot to how to balance time and excellence rather than who’s right about the timeline.

Another key strategy is to focus on shared values or outcomes, even when methods differ. In conflicts, people often get stuck on logistics—how to do something—while overlooking the bigger picture. Highlighting the shared purpose shifts the focus from competing plans to brainstorming ways to meet the goal together, perhaps combining elements of both ideas. Emphasizing “we” over “me” reinforces unity and keeps the conversation constructive.

Compromise plays a role, but it’s not about everyone giving up something equally—it’s about crafting a solution that honors the core of what each party needs. This might mean blending ideas, prioritizing one aspect now and another later, or finding a third option no one initially considered. The goal is a decision that feels fair, not a tally of concessions.

Timing and tone matter, too. If emotions run high, take a break to cool off—trying to force common ground when tempers flare rarely works. When you reconvene, keep the tone neutral and collaborative, avoiding blame. Phrases like “I think we both want…” or “Let’s figure this out together” signal partnership. Humor can also lighten the mood in a heated moment, as long as it’s not at anyone’s expense.

Finally, test the waters with small agreements to build momentum. If a full resolution feels out of reach, start with something minor that everyone can accept. Success in small steps breeds confidence in tackling bigger ones. In a business negotiation, settling on a meeting schedule before diving into contract terms can create a sense of progress.

Finding common ground isn’t about erasing differences but weaving them into a decision that respects everyone’s input. Listening, questioning, and reframing take effort, but the payoff is a stronger outcome and relationship. Whatever may be the deadlock, the principles remain: seek understanding, highlight shared goals, and build solutions together.

Conflict doesn’t have to divide—it can unite if you approach it with the right tools.